Supporting Adolescents Through Grief
Written By: Melissa Boutsy, Clinical Trainee at ACS, On-Campus Counseling Program
adolescentsexperiencing grief may be at their most vulnerable point in their lives as they work through adolescent challenges and bereavement challenges. The grieving process in adolescents is similar to adults, but we must be mindful of the difference of expression that may show through overt behaviors that demonstrate their internal distress. Adults often sustain intense grieving while adolescents can manifest grief-related effects and behavior intermittently. Losses are so painful and frightening that many adolescents can only endure strong emotions for brief periods and then alternately avoid their feelings.
When adolescents avoid these emotions, they can be expressed as angry outbursts or delinquent behavior rather than sadness, which may not be recognized as grief-related. Common defensive strategies in bereaved adolescents are denial, idealization of the deceased, isolated grief-related effects, and displacement. Looking at the development in children and adolescents, they typically engage in magical thinking, believing they have caused their loved one’s death through their behavior, thoughts, or wishes, which can lead to thoughts of guilt. In the adolescent stage, teenagers believe they are immune to anything terrible happening to them, so death throws them into chaos.
Questions such as “Did I cause this to happen?,” “Will this happen to me?,” “Who will take care of me now,” or “What if something happens to my other parent/caregiver?” may occur. Acknowledging these questions and hearing how an adolescent understands those answers are important, as these misunderstandings may contribute to feelings of anger, fear, or anxiousness. Adolescents need clear and honest explanations, but not enough details that are much too big to handle for their age. Questions about death may reflect a need for reassurance and emotional security, so it is essential to understand that it is vital to reassure the youth that the death was not their fault.
Throughout an adolescent’s grieving process, social support is an important protective factor that can aid in the trauma after losing a loved one. Support can include grandparents, family members, and trusted family friends who will step in and assist the grieving youth. Stabilizing the environment with consistency and a sense of security is an important aspect. Along with understanding what the grieving process will look like, adults can also be mindful of the importance of added support. Therapy can be a pivotal way of support as this will create a safe space for families to grieve together, and adults may find support for themselves and aid in the grieving process for their children.
Organizations and resources that can provide useful materials and referral information are listed below.
- American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. (800) 333-7636 http://www.aacap.org — professional membership organization of psychiatrists provides resources for parents and teens.
- Center for Mental Health Services. (800) 789-2647 http://www.mentalhealth.org/ — a Federal Government clearinghouse offering mental health English and Spanish language publications for families, children, and adolescents.
- Dougy Center, The National Center for Grieving Children and Families. (503) 775-5683 http://www.dougy.org — a national support center for grieving children, teens, and families.
- http://www.griefnet.org —an Internet community of more than 30 Email support groups and two web sites, offering a moderated chat room for children who are in grief and their parents, lists of books and other library information, memorials, newsletters, a directory of suicide prevention and survivors’ information, and more.
- National Institute of Mental Health. (301) 443-4513 http://www.nimh.nih.gov —the mental health research component of the National Institutes of Health, which provides printed and online materials.
- UCLA School Mental Health Project. (310) 825-3634 http://smhp.psych.ucla.edu — a resource center that provides schools and teachers with resources for helping children.
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References
Helping children cope with loss. Mental Health America. (n.d.). Retrieved November 5, 2021, from https://www.mhanational.org/helping-children-cope-loss.
Institute of Medicine (US) Committee for the Study of Health Consequences of the Stress of Bereavement; Osterweis M, Solomon F, Green M, editors. Bereavement: Reactions, Consequences, and Care. Washington (DC): National Academies Press (US); 1984. CHAPTER 5, Bereavement During Childhood and Adolescence. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK217849/