Resolving Conflict in Your Family

Written By: Samantha Rivas, Clinical Intern at ACS, Adolescent Substance Abuse Treatment Program

don’t let your neighbors

fool you: we all have family conflict. Whether it’s between the parents, parent/child, sibling/sibling, or some other relative, family conflict exists for every unit, and it is stressful. 

Conflict between family can come up for multiple reasons. Maybe there’s a disagreement between values and beliefs. Maybe something was misunderstood and conclusions were jumped to. Or maybe a really significant event took place and is taking time to adjust to and causing additional stress for the family. Either way, if the conflict isn’t handled swiftly and peacefully, it can result in rising tensions and broken relationships. So what do you do?

Best practice is to try to find a peaceful resolution to the conflict. Typically, we let our more raw and impulsive emotions, like anger and fear, take the lead and direct how we respond, which usually leads to an increase in conflict. So here are some suggestions on what to do instead:

• Walk away from the situation if you’re not in a proper state of mind to handle it respectfully. Cool down first, then handle the situation.
• Determine if this is a battle worth winning. More often than not, the quality of the relationship is more important than soothing an ego.
• Separate the problem from the person. This will help you make “I” statements rather than “you” statements. It also gives you a more objective perspective and understanding of the situation.
• Define the problem and stick to the topic. Don’t start going from one issue to another, it will lead you down a spiral. Stick to the issue at hand and handle it.
• Remember you’re trying to peacefully resolve a conflict, not win an argument.
• Pay attention and listen. Don’t formulate your response before they even finish talking.
• Communicate your perspective clearly and honestly. They can’t reciprocate respect and understanding if you aren’t clear.
• Remember that the other party isn’t obliged to always agree with you on everything. It’s okay to agree to disagree.
• Try to find points of common ground.
• Be flexible and willing to compromise. Relationships should never be one-sided, so don’t expect the person to be the only person bending, and don’t be the only person who bends.
• Come up with multiple solutions and agree one one. Once you agree to it, make sure everyone understands it and sticks to it.

If you’re having a hard time managing conflict resolution on your own, don’t lose hope. There are available services out there where professionals specialize in helping families find resolutions. Just remember that conflict is normal, to stay calm, be flexible, and goal-oriented to reuniting your family.