Practicing Compassion to Balance Masculinity

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Written By: Cristian Lemus, Clinical Trainee at ACS, Adolescent Substance Abuse Treatment Program

TRADITIONAL MASCULINITYis a social construct that presents itself in many different forms across the world. In the U.S., masculinity typically embodies winning, hyper-sexuality, controlling one’s emotions, risk-taking, violence, dominance, and dislike of being perceived as gay (Mahalik et al., 2003). When masculinity is left unbalanced, it becomes linked to reduced help seeking, higher levels of depression and anxiety, and more sexism and aggression (Kirby & Kirby, 2017). As parents, it is important to help teens balance traditional masculinity with compassion to avoid these consequences.

Teens can be especially susceptible to traditional masculinity due to the competitiveness of school. During the teenage years, there can be many academic and social challenges in school that make teens feel vulnerable. Teens who identify with traditional masculine values may struggle with the feelings of vulnerability. Appearing outwardly masculine through aggression, risk-taking, or hypersexuality, may be a way to mask the following inner conflicts:

  • Shame
  • Self-criticism
  • Social anxiety
  • Depression

Compassion plays a key role in helping teens maintain social relationships and build self-love. Compassion helps us have empathy for others, as well as allows us to be nonjudgmental towards ourselves. Developing compassion helps combat depression and anxiety and allows us to be less self-critical. As parents, some things you can encourage your teen to practice are:

  • Understanding the perspective of others
  • Practicing self-acceptance
  • Focus on overcoming inner struggles instead of competing
  • Asking for help

Making compassion accessible and fun to teens may be difficult, but it is possible. Encouraging participation in activities or sports that focus on impulse control and emotional stability may be one way to do so. As a boxing coach myself, I have found that my college athletes respond well to exercises that focus on mental fortitude and mindful body movement. Over time, students learn to focus less on aggression and competition and more on being calm and finding their unique strengths.

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References

Kirby, J. N., & Kirby, P. G. (2017). An evolutionary model to conceptualise masculinity and compassion in male teenagers: A unifying framework. Clinical Psychologist (Australian Psychological Society), 21(2), 74-89. https://10.1111/cp.12129

Mahalik, J. R., Locke, B. D., Ludlow, L. H., Diemer, M. A., Scott, R. P. J., Gottfried, M., & Ferias, G. (2003). Development of the conformity to masculine norms inventory. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 4, 3 – 25. https://doi.org/10.1037/1524‐9220.4.1.3