How To Help A Sensitive Child During the Holidays

in ACS Institute of Psychotherapy & Training / Anxiety / Depression / Grief / Intern / Mental Health / Middle School Behavior / Parent Tips / Parenting / Sleep / Social Anxiety / Stress / Stress Management  by Adolescent Counseling Services 0 comments

Written By: Catherine Wohlwend, ACS Site Manager at La Entrada Middle School, On-Campus Counseling Program

The holidays can be stressful

for anyone, but if you have a child that is highly sensitive, anxious, dealing with a loss or just simply struggling, the holiday season may not be the magical time that we see curated for us on Instagram. Your child may need more support during the holidays than they usually do throughout the year. It may feel counterintuitive, given the fact that we assume everyone loves the holidays, but when you’re sensitive or struggling, the following situations may be overwhelming:

● Loud and crowded spaces, such as a mall, ice-skating rink, etc.
● Family gatherings with extended members who they don’t know very well
● Family gatherings with someone who has hurt them
● Being at a gathering that reminds them of someone they have lost
● Comparing their experiences or gifts to what their peers have

How can you help your child through this busy time of year?

1. Make sure they get quality sleep. Whether it’s travel that puts your schedule off kilter or days at home with little structure, bed times and general sleep hygiene can easily go out the window. Support your kid by holding to a reasonable bedtime.
2. Listen. If you see them struggling, give them the space to tell you what’s going on. It might make you sad that your child isn’t enjoying the holidays, which is completely reasonable, but what your child needs to know is that you support them implicitly and that you aren’t telling them they can’t feel sad simply “because it’s the holidays!”.
3. If you are sad that your kid isn’t having a good time: talk to someone about it. Resist the urge to put this kind of pressure on your kid to be happier for you, or for them to feel the need to provide emotional support to you. This is a time when you should lean on another adult.
4. Don’t force them to hug or kiss a family member if they don’t want to. Telling a child that they have no choice in whether or not they hug or kiss a family member shows them that they have no autonomy over their body — giving them the choice does the opposite. We want our kids to know they have a choice in how they use their body.
5. Pay Attention. If you’re at an event, know what your kid is up to and that they are doing okay. If it’s a great party or event, you may want to stay but if your kid is overwhelmed or isolated, they’re going to need your help, whether it’s troubleshooting with them to determine how to make it better or simply leaving early.

While it might be sad for you if your child isn’t able to experience the magic of the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, think about it as an opportunity to get to know your child better and find new traditions that suit your family as a whole. Maybe it’s a quiet night of matching pajamas with hot cocoa instead of a night at the ice skating rink, or perhaps it’s leaving a family gathering early to walk quietly together while looking at Christmas lights. Whatever it is, it’ll be something you and your kid get to do together — and isn’t being together and more deeply connected to each other the best part of the holiday season? We think so.

If you find that you’re needing more support for your sensitive kid, ACS is here to support you. Contact our intake line at 650.424.0852 x108 and we’ll figure out the best treatment for you and your family.