Back to School: Managing Stress
Written By: Samantha Rivas, Clinical Intern at ACS, Adolescent Substance Abuse Treatment Program
The alarm goes off.
It’s time to pick out what to wear, get to school on time, see both new and familiar faces, get an excess amount of academic assignments, attend after-school programs, and juggle the obligations between family, friends, school, work, and whatever else may be happening in life.
That’s right – it’s time for a new school year to start.
The beginning of the school year can be one of the most stressful times for teens and their parents. Starting school means experiencing an increase of pressures from peers, parents, and academics, none of which are easy to escape. In addition to outside forces, teens are experiencing the largest shifts in brain and hormone chemistry that human beings experience within their development. So what can teens do to regulate their own stress, and how can parents be of support?
Teens – if you’re reading this, you’re already on the right track, because it means that you might be concerned about how stressed you are already feeling, and you’re trying to figure out how to solve it. Well, the first thing to realize is that there are some stressors that can’t be escaped, and instead, have to be managed.
Step 1: Figure out what you can and can’t let go of in your life. Maybe you don’t need to go to that epic party when there’s a huge assignment due that Monday. Or maybe you don’t need to take the Biology AP class, when the Honors course teaches the same material. It’s all about balance.
Step 2: Have your go-to people. Rather than go straight to problem-solving mode, figure out who those people are in your life who can sit with you in your stress, anger, sadness, anxiety, joy, excitement, etc. Find those people in your life who can be there for you without judgement, and when you’re ready, help you find solutions. They can be close friends, acquaintances, parents, other family members, co-workers, teammates…you get the idea. As long as you honestly communicate with these people, and allow yourself to be vulnerable with them, you’re doing it!
Step 3: Have a lot of hobbies. Maybe not a hobby that’s going to require more of your time and energy, but something that is purely for the reasons of make you feel joy and relaxation. It can be going for a walk, giving yourself that extra 30 minutes of sleep on a weekend, baking, exercise, reading for fun, gardening, the choice is really yours.
Step 4: Prioritize. Sometimes, the unwanted obligations have to come first, and that’s life. Use a planner, write it down. Or better yet, be eco-friendly and use that smart phone calendar of yours. However you choose to do it, having a concrete way to track everything happening in your life will help you visualize everything and figure out what is top priority, and what can be put on the back burner for a bit. The important thing about this is, again, balance. Sometimes that homework assignment will be first, or the work shift you said you’d pick up a week ago; other times, it may be going for a run, or starting an art project for fun.
Parents – caring for another human being is one of the biggest responsibilities you will ever have, if not the biggest responsibility. Just like with teens, if you’re reading this, you’re already on the right track. The best thing a parent can do is figure out how they can help their children get through life.
Step 1: Be there. Broad advice, I know; that’s because it counts for every aspect of a teen’s life, but maybe not always in the way you imagine. Being there doesn’t mean helicopter-parenting. Teens are going to make mistakes, it’s the inevitable that we all wish was avoidable. But when those mistakes do happen, be there. Of course, parent your teen and provide consequences, but do so without passing judgement. The theme of balance comes up for parents as well: how to parent without absolving kids of consequences or shaming them. Regardless of what it may be — substance use, incarceration, poor grades, truancy, relational conflict — remind your child that, no matter what, you have unconditional love for them and that mistakes will be solved and learned from as a family.
Step 2: Communicate. This does not mean lecture- there’s a difference. With communication also comes the fantastic ability to engage in active listening. Show your child that what they’re saying matters, because it does. Usually, they have some sort of idea of what they need to feel better. They just need you to hear it. Communicating also includes doing it in a way that’s collaborative, because you are the parent and you do have a say.
Step 3: Seek help. It still stands true when they say, “It takes a village.” Our communities have deviated away from collectivistic traditions, but that doesn’t change the fact that it takes more than one or two adults to parent a child. Utilize the schools, counseling services, other family members, or family friends. Keeping the burden to yourself makes it all the more challenging to alleviate the stress for your teen and yourself.
Throwing the stress of school into the wonders of life is never easy, but hopefully these tips and skills can be of service. Just remember that stress happens and nobody is alone in dealing with stress. Everybody experiences stress and the best we can do is be open about it, normalize it, and learn to regulate it.