Teen Dating: 5 Tips for Parents

Written By: Wendy Ortiz-Rodriguez, Clinical Trainee at ACS, On-Campus Counseling Program

There comes a timein an adolescent’s development when friends turn into crushes and crushes turn into potential dating relationships. Dating can be tricky at any age in development, therefore it is worth having a conversation about this topic with your teen to guide them into this new experience. Entering the dating world can be exciting and scary, not just for parents, but teens too. Here are some tips to consider when talking with your teen about dating:

1. Talk about consent

Your teen may have an idea what consent means to them from friends or social media. It is still important to clarify and explain what receiving and giving consent actually means. Consent is giving permission for something to happen or agreeing to do something. It is also important to let your teen know that when either person is under the influence of alcohol or any substance, that even if consent is given, it is not valid at this point. Also, let them know that they can take back their consent at any point in time if they wish. Empower them to speak up for themselves if they ever feel uncomfortable. Make sure they know they can come to you, their parent, for support in any situation that occurs.

2. Talk about pressure from a partner

Dating is an opportunity to get to know someone better, however this does not automatically mean that the individual is ready for any physical involvement with the other partner. After talking about consent and what that means, talk to them about what being pressured looks like and what they can do to avoid this. When a partner says things like, “Do this because you love me” or “I did this for you, so you have to do it for me,” it can cause mixed emotions for a teen who cares about their partner. As a parent, it is imperative to talk about manipulative comments like this so that your teen is aware and knows how to put a stop to it. If your teen is the one making comments like this, letting them know that this behavior is not ok is critical to prevent future problems.

3. Establish clear expectations and boundaries

As the parent, you are still in control and there are still rules and boundaries that should be followed as your teen enters the dating world. Some things to consider would be demanding communication on outings such as: Where are they going for “dates”? Who will pick them up and drop them off? Will there be a curfew set? Also, it is a good idea to meet their person of interest and get to know who your teen is getting to know. Encouraging group dates with their mutual friends can be a good way to ensure that they are not always alone, if this is something that worries you as a parent. Don’t be afraid to be upfront with your expectations and boundaries- if your teen wants to date, it means they are ready for the responsibility that comes with dating, which includes following the given rules. With rules to be followed, the consequences should also be clear beforehand. Being able to follow through on the consequences is always helpful in preventing rules being broken.

4. Communicate about respect

In a diverse population like the Bay Area, it is important that your teen thinks about what respect is and how it may look in different cultures. For example, hugging and giving a kiss on the cheek when greeting someone can be seen as appropriate in one culture, but it can mean the complete opposite in another culture. Encourage your teen to communicate and ask questions of their partner about what respect is to them. Emphasizing the importance of giving and receiving respect will allow for a healthy relationship. A universal form of disrespect that should never be tolerated is when there is violence involved. Make it clear to your teen that violence of any sort will not be tolerated and that there could be legal consequences to such actions in a relationship.

5. Watch out for red flags

Teen dating violence is a serious concern in the United States (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 2019), with approximately 1 in 5 adolescents having been victims of physical teen dating violence. Physical teen dating violence can include acts such as pushing, slapping, shoving, punching, and kicking a former or current dating partner. Physical teen dating violence victimization has been linked to a multitude of negative outcomes, including depressed mood, suicidal ideation, substance use, and poor academic performance. If your teen is showing changes in their mood, irritability, or being too emotionally affected by their partner, these can be some red flags letting you know that there may be something going on. Don’t be reluctant to step in and help.

Overall, teen dating may be your teen’s first experience with romantic love. This can be followed by rejection, and heartbreak. A parent’s positive involvement, such as listening and supporting their teen, is critical during these experiences.

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References

Choi, H., Weston, R., & Temple, J. (2017). A Three-Step Latent Class Analysis to Identify How Different Patterns of Teen Dating Violence and Psychosocial Factors Influence Mental Health. Journal of Youth & Adolescence, 46(4), 854–866. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-016-0570-7

Love is respect. 2022. About dating. [online] Available at: <https://www.loveisrespect.org/dating-basics-for-healthy-relationships/> [Accessed 1 February 2022].

Spencer, C. M., Anders, K. M., Toews, M. L., & Emanuels, S. K. (2020). Risk Markers for Physical Teen Dating Violence Victimization in the United States: A Meta-Analysis. Journal of Youth & Adolescence, 49(3), 575–589. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-020-01194-1