Practicing Self-Compassion

Written By: Elaina Vielbaum, Clinical Intern at ACS, Adolescent Substance Abuse Treatment Program

rooted in buddhistphilosophy and psychology, the construct of self-compassion is considered to be a just as vital to feel as it is with other feelings (Neff, 2003). Similarly, to the definition of compassion, self-compassion encompasses the same qualities as compassion for others, but turned inward. It entails a caring response to our suffering by being open to one’s own suffering and moves one away from self-criticism by instilling kindness, understanding, and a nonjudgmental stance towards our own weaknesses and failures, and in instances of pain.

The 3 Components of Self-Compassion

Kristen Neff, Ph.D, leading expert on Self-Compassion research, identified 3 components of self-compassion that tap into different ways that individuals emotionally respond to suffering.

1. Self-Kindness – (Extends beyond not being self-critical)

Self-kindness is much more than just not being self-critical of ourselves – it’s inviting ourselves to respond to our own internal suffering just as we would to a dear friend of ours. More than just accepting ourselves with judgement, self-kindness encourages us to soothe, comfort, and care for ourselves in the midst of painful experiences and emotional turmoil.

2. Common Humanity – (You are not alone)

A central problem with harsh self-judgement is that it generally makes us feel more alone and cut off from those around us. Rather than perceiving our weaknesses and failures as isolating, self-compassion encourages us to recognize our experiences as part of a much larger, more common, human experience, and moves us away from over-identifying with these experiences while encouraging us to hold such painful thoughts and experiences in mindful awareness. Self-compassion encourages us to view every moment of suffering as an opportunity to feel closer and more connected to others and reminds us that we are not alone.

3. Mindfulness – (“We can heal what we can’t feel”)

The component of mindfulness is at the core of self-compassion. It takes immense courage to turn toward our pain and acknowledge it. However, this act of courage is considered essential, if we are to open our hearts in response to our suffering.

Kristen Neff, Ph.D (2003) stresses the importance of differentiating self-compassion from self-esteem. While self-esteem refers to one’s evaluation of themselves and represents the degree to which we like and value ourselves, it’s rooted in comparing oneself with others. Self-compassion on the other hand, is not grounded on positive evaluations and judgements of oneself, and instead a way in which we relate to ourselves. Unlike self-esteem that may waver in its stability depending on the circumstance, self-compassion provides more emotional stability given it is always at our disposable once we begin implanting it into our day-to-day lives. When compared to self-esteem, recent research suggests self-compassion to be correlated with individuals developing a more accurate self-identity, exhibiting more caring behaviors in their relationships, an increase in one’s emotional resilience, and a decrease in reactive anger and narcissistic tendencies (Neff, 2003).

References:

Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223–250. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309027

Interested in learning more from Dr. Kristin Neff, Ph.D. and her research? Check out her website at: https://self-compassion.org