So You’ve Been Invited to Have a Family Session with Your Teen… An Attachment-Based Approach

Written By: Jaimie Sandlin, Clinical Intern at ACS, On-Campus Counseling Program and Community Counseling Program

family sessionscan be tense, but the expected outcome is that you all emerge stronger together. When your teen’s therapist asks you, their caregiver, to join them for a session, it can be nerve-wracking. You might feel defensive. You might feel the need to share your side. However, family sessions aren’t meant to assign blame. Family sessions support you to be able to work out any tension together. The therapist serves as a coach to keep you on track as you work toward the goal to understand one another. If you are invited to a family session, it means your teen is ready to reconnect with you and invite you into their world. Over time, your teen will feel safer to share their emotions and needs at home.  

Typically, teens come into therapy due to some maladaptive behavior. The truth is that these maladaptive behaviors typically stem from teens feeling insecurely attached. Attachment theory looks at the relationship between teens and their caregivers as a way to improve their autonomy, self-worth, and connection with others. Teens that feel heard, supported, and unconditionally loved are able to manage life’s common stressors more easily than those that feel something lacking.

It is not that you aren’t doing enough. All of your efforts can be adjusted so that your teen responds favorably. The goal is to repair any “ruptures” to the relationship. The rupture may be more like a tear. It may be hard to see or notice it at all. Teens can internalize negative beliefs about themselves due to the way they interpreted an experience. It is these beliefs that fuel ongoing tension and maladaptive behaviors. It can be hard to even recall this initial tear. The goal of the family session is to see how can we work together to correct these beliefs and strengthen your family.

We start with listening skills. It is common for parents to be great fixers, given their life experience. It can be difficult to hear your teen feeling stuck or in pain and to not go directly to helping them or trying to find a solution. Try to remember that supporting them in this process and listening to them does help. Teens want to feel unconditionally loved regardless of the situation. Practice this at home by listening to your teen talk about something on their mind and reflect back what you hear from them. Don’t add any flare. Eventually, family sessions will expand to work on other communication skills and improve your ability to understand one another. Through these sessions, your relationship with strengthen and other stressors can be addressed.