If you have a question that you need an answer to, but don’t see it on this page, Ask A.J.

For a list of resources especially for teens that are related to these and other questions you may have, go to Resources. 

What should I do if a friend says, “I want to kill myself?”
This is a serious statement and should be treated that way.  Approach your friend’s parents and/or contact a crisis hotline and share this information immediately. 

I am gay and afraid to come out to my parents and friends.  What can I do?
Is there anyone you feel comfortable talking to about it? A relative or a teacher, maybe.  Check with your school to see if there is perhaps a Gay/Straight Alliance on campus and give them a call.  

Friends at school drink alcohol or do drugs.  They are pressuring me to try, too.  What should I do?
It is okay to be different from your friends and for you to say no. This doesn’t mean that they will stop liking you.  More importantly, it says that you have a really good sense of yourself and of your identity.  You are a unique individual and it is fine for you to not do everything your friends do. If the pressure gets too strong though, it might be time to look for new friends who fit more who you are.

My boyfriend is pressuring me to have sex and I am not ready yet.  I feel bad for making him wait when he says he loves me.  Should I have sex with him?
No!  It is your body, so you decide what to do with it, if and when you are ready. The love your boyfriend says he feels for you should be there regardless of you two having sex.  He should respect you for your decision.

What are the signs that someone is depressed and needs help?

• Sadness, tearfulness, crying
• They may show their sadness by wearing black clothes, writing poetry with morbid themes, or by having a preoccupation with music that has self-destructive themes.  They may also cry for no apparent reason.
  
  
• Hopelessness
• They may feel that life is not worth living or worth the effort to even maintain their appearance or hygiene.  They may believe that a negative situation will never change and be pessimistic about their future.
  
  
• Decreased interest in activities
• They may become apathetic and drop out of clubs, sports, and other activities they once enjoyed.  Not much seems fun anymore to someone who is depressed.
  
  
• Persistent boredom; low energy
• Lack of motivation and lowered energy level is reflected by missed classes or not going to school.   A drop in grade average can be equated with loss of concentration and slowed thinking.
  
  
• Social isolation, poor communication
• There is a lack of connection with friends and family. Someone who is depressed may avoid family gatherings and events. Those who used to spend a lot of time with friends may now spend most of their time alone and without interests. They may not share their feelings with others, believing that they are alone in the world and no one is listening to them or even cares about them.
  
  
• Low self esteem and guilt
• They may assume blame for negative events or circumstances.  They may feel like a failure and have negative views about their competence and self-worth.  They feel as if they are not "good enough.”
  
  
• Extreme sensitivity to rejection or failure
• Believing that they are unworthy, depressed individuals become even more depressed with every supposed rejection or perceived lack of success. 
  
  
• Increased irritability, anger, or hostility
• Depressed individuals are often irritable, taking out most of their anger on their family.  They may attack others by being critical, sarcastic, or abusive.  They may feel that they must reject their family before their family rejects them. 
  
  
• Difficulty with relationships
• They may suddenly have no interest in maintaining friendships. They'll stop calling and visiting their friends.
  
  
• Frequent complaints of physical illnesses, such as headaches and stomachaches
• They may complain about lightheadedness or dizziness, being nauseous, and back pain. Other common complaints include headaches, stomachaches, vomiting, and menstrual problems.
  
  
• Frequent absences from school or poor performance in school
• Children and teens who cause trouble at home or at school may actually be depressed but not know it.  Because they may not always seem sad, parents and teachers may not realize that the behavior problem is a sign of depression.
  
  
• Poor concentration
• They may have trouble concentrating on schoolwork, following a conversation, or even watching television. 
  
  
• A major change in eating and/or sleeping patterns
• Sleep disturbance may show up as all-night television watching, difficulty in getting up for school, or sleeping during the day.  Loss of appetite may become anorexia or bulimia.  Eating too much may result in weight gain and obesity.
  
  
• Talk of or efforts to run away from home  
• Running away is usually a cry for help.  This may be the first time the parents realize that their child or teen has a problem and needs help. 
  
  
• Thoughts or expressions of suicide or self-destructive behavior
• They may say they want to be dead or may talk about suicide.  Depressed youth are at increased risk for committing suicide.  If someone says, "I want to kill myself," or "I'm going to commit suicide," always take the statement seriously and seek evaluation from a child and adolescent psychiatrist or other mental health professional.  People often feel uncomfortable talking about death.  However, asking whether he or she is depressed or thinking about suicide can be helpful.  Rather than "putting thoughts in the person’s head," such a question will provide assurance that somebody cares and will give the person the chance to talk about his or her problems. 
  
  
• Alcohol and Drug Abuse
• Depressed teens may abuse alcohol or other drugs as a way to feel better.
  
  
• Self-Injury
• Teens who have difficulty talking about their feelings may show their emotional tension, physical discomfort, pain and low self-esteem with self-injurious behaviors, such as cutting.